Tolerance VS Acceptance (Prose-ish)

Haven’t we all realized? There’s a paramount difference between tolerance and acceptance, and upon reflecting I think that I have been tolerating more than I should have been, leading to a very nasty feeling stirring within me, right after I had a quarrel with my friend. In the end, both of us refused to back down, but I apologized. Why?

Positively thinking, I told myself that it was because I had valued the friendship more than my pride. But this was definitely a case of simply tolerance, for I did not accept her words at all. And there’s a limit to everyone’s patience.

Yes. All the dark feelings were swirling inside and I felt just like that girl above, all full of hatred and so ugly inside. Now that I think about it more clearly, the reason why I tolerated was probably because I was a self-conscious freak who did not want to ruin my reputation by having my friends hate me. I couldn’t take the anxiety and hurt, thus I conveniently chose to apologize. I was just being a weakling. But anyway, here’s the prose-ish thing:

Irritation is an understatement

Disguising any disgust

Quelling the bitterness

Fighting for control

Before this mad dog breaks free

And chaos ensues,

While I take the harsh words

Lashing out at my soul

Gripping my sanity tight

And desperately thinking of what it means to be human,

I try

Not to kill her there and then.

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16 thoughts on “Tolerance VS Acceptance (Prose-ish)

  1. a boring otaku :)

    hey when i started riding your blog i thought : OMG she is just like me. i love anime and manga too and japanese songs. my dream is to go in japan and buy a lot of anime stuff becouse now i live in a small country and a lot of people don’t know what anime are :(. when i told my friends that i watch anime they didn’t know what i was talking obout so i said that i watch japanese cartoons and they thought i was a little kid. (they don’t know what naruto is !!!!! omg why wasn’t i born in japan) i don’t like cosplay too ;). soooo don’t stop doing your blog becouse i like reading it and it makes me know that i’m not the only one thinking like that and having the same problems :)
    by: your fan (friend?) ah and sorry for the bad inglish i’m not inglish so …….. ahh nobody’s perfect (ok just some anime girls ;) )

    Reply
    1. passingotaku Post author

      Hey there thanks so much, I really appreciate your comment!! I think that we are so alike :) I live in a small country too and I would love to live in Japan! I’ve been there once and it was a really great experience. Haha anime may be similar to cartoons, but the term ‘cartoon’ somehow seems so kiddy right? Anime is awesome, epic and cool! Yes, we are now officially FRIENDS :D your english is pretty good :) No matter what, let’s just keep loving anime and manga.

      Reply
  2. Rei

    Aside from the reason of reputation, your tolerance level must be rather high too. Normally I’d just end the friendship if I found myself having to maintain it through tolerating the other party; it just makes life that tad bit less stressful.

    Reply
    1. passingotaku Post author

      Hey there :) Haha, yeah I’ve cultivated high tolerance levels over time and actually, ‘reputation’ is one of the main reasons. I can’t end friendships even if they get stressful because firstly, I wouldn’t want an awkward or a hateful relationship against me, and secondly, gossip would be running rampant in my school :( So I just try being neutral and keeping opinions to myself (which results in negative emotions building up over time).

      This is unrelated, but I’ve seen your blog and loved it :) I feel the same way as you on many issues and i’m willing to bet that we’re from the same country. Awesome blog you’ve got there :D

      Reply
      1. Rei

        I just read that you’re from an all-girls school, so I guess I can understand how bad the gossip would get if it started, though I’m not trying to say that all girls would spread them like wildfire, but I just feel that it’s more dangerous among girls, haha.

        Thanks for the compliment! But it’s too bad I sort of got over the phase where I’d want to sit down and reflect about life. I also had the feeling that we’re from the same country (may I ask, Singapore?), and the things you wrote was what I’d write if I was back at your age (I’m only one year older than you though), so I was really interested in your blog. It’s always nice to see someone with similar opinions.

      2. passingotaku Post author

        Haha yes, the gossip spread in an all-girls school is really scary! Even right now, there’s an anonymous gossip blogger who uses tumblr to defame and embarrass others. Terrible, right?

        Yeah we’re from the same country! :D You’re right, your posts really bring out what I want to say sometimes (like the one about talent? –I feel the same way; talentless though I really want to have something that I’m good at. Perhaps it’s only due to bouts of the teenage identity crisis though xD) and it’s refreshing to read them :) Well, i’ll be reading your blog and your new one too!

      3. Rei

        Oh, yes, that’s bad. The Tumblr people ought to do something about that blog… I sometimes wonder why those people would do those kind of things… Maybe if they were some sadists, that, I might be able to understand. Oh, but you know, sadists are only admirable in anime and not real life, heh.

        Ah, so we really are from the same place. I wonder why it was so obvious? Just by reading your blog, I could feel that connection, haha. It is because of the way we people write or… Anyway, after awhile I just forgot about wanting to have a talent and decided to have fun just the way I am. It’s too bad you stopped playing piano, maybe you can pick it up again? Well, I also thought your English was pretty good, and maybe being so knowledgeable about anime and manga can also be considered as a talent? :D

      4. passingotaku Post author

        HAHAHA YES!! Sadists are cool in anime xD And about the tumblr, yes, that’s why i’m trying to keep my ‘image’ clean to avoid any unnecessary trouble.. I think that we’re all a little bit of a sadist though (or maybe it’s just evil me) because watching others– even friends, suffer a little, doesn’t affect me and sometimes amuses me instead.

        My sentiments exactly. It’s like we Singaporeans just have a way of sniffing each other out! I guess it’s the way and the stuff you write that creates the connection :D By the way, there’s this blog called ‘Ambivalence, or is it ambiguity’ that has cool Singaporean authors. (For example, check out: http://ambivalen.wordpress.com/valence/)

        You’re right, it’s useless to think of the talents that we don’t have and just concentrate on being happy. I think that i’ll try picking up the piano some time but it’s really demoralizing having two better players in the family, especially when they ‘steal’ the songs that you are playing, and play it even better :P Haha, this is a talent? Nah I just think that it’s a great interest and hobby :D And your English seems better than mine too! Anyway for now, good luck for school tomorrow. It’s time to keep in touch with the real world..

      5. Rei

        Yeah, we all have this part in us that enjoys seeing other people getting hurt. I won’t deny that sometimes I do have the thought of inflicting pain on others for self enjoyment, but that’s not a good thing to do so I let those thoughts remain as thoughts.

        Very nice blog suggestion, thank you! I’ll be sure to start reading that blog from now onwards.

        It’s great to hear that you’ll try picking piano up again, and maybe instead of letting the better players demoralize you, you should treat them as inspirations. It’s always good to have someone better than you, because then you’ll have the motivation to become even better than how you are right now. Sure, it’ll seem like you’re following their footsteps, and it’s indeed frustrating sometimes to hear them playing better than what you’re playing, but if you overcome those negative thoughts, learn from them, and strive to reach–or do even better than–their level, I think the feeling of satisfaction once you’ve achieved that level will be even greater. I don’t play the piano, but I think playing the piano should be an experience where you enjoy what you, yourself, are capable of, not how much better you are compared to others. Besides, everybody have their own style of playing, I’m pretty sure you play fine as well.

        Good luck to you too, for tomorrow. Keeping in touch with the real world is a must, but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to spend less effort on that and more on the anime and manga world, right? Heh.

      6. passingotaku Post author

        WISE ONEESAN!(Sorry, just had to say that) Yes we do enjoy seeing others in pain when we ourselves are not the ones suffering. Of course I have to conceal that fact, though. Giggling when a friend gets scolded isn’t exactly the right behavior of a civilized and decent person.

        Yes, I think you’ll enjoy that blog, it’s really interesting :D Haha, seems like you’re a really positive person. I wish that I could be that optimistic on my outlook in life. There’s one piano piece that i’ve been learning halfway, so I won’t stop. And if I really love a piece then i’ll try to complete it no matter what. (and not leave the piano score lying around for my siblings to play!) To be honest, I don’t think that i’ll ever reach their level, but yes– it’s the enjoyment that matters. Thanks for the motivation :)

        Ahaha yes yes I already gave up my soul to anime a long time ago and I belong there! It’s just my physical self going to school tomorrow. Sometimes, imagining real world characters as anime ones are just so fun. Anyway, yeah have fun in school and all the best! Bring along your positive mindset if not, it’ll be hard to survive out there. You seem like a person who stands by her principles so I guess this wouldn’t affect you, but I become superficial around my friends and laugh with them easily for no real reason. And this is becoming a habit. I sometimes lose sight of what I truly want and feel and I wonder sometimes, if I were to heck it all, how would I have turned out? In fact, what do my friends see me as? Yet another addition in their group?

        That was really random. Anyway no matter what, if we live, we have to fight on. I get my inspiration from those never-say-die characters like Natsu (Fairy Tail). By the way, nice Vocaloid figurines you’ve got there! :)

      7. Rei

        I-IMOUTO?!

        A positive person, I guess I am. I was always acting as if it’s the end of the world not too long ago though, but then along the way I’ve changed a lot, it just happened. I’m sure you can slowly build up your confidence and look forward to your life everyday too.

        I hope you’ll finish learning it soon and continue to play! Maybe you could post a video, or just an audio, of you playing! It’s always nice to hear other people’s work.

        Well, I guess sometimes it’s really hard to not go along with the people you’re hanging out. Our mindset and attitude would normally naturally adjust to whom we’re hanging out so as to make the situation less awkward, or at least that’s what happens to me. I don’t have many friends, and I’m more of an independant person rather than a follower, so the kind of thoughts if I’m being an extra in a group never really occurred to me. I go by if they need me, they can find me, if not, it doesn’t really bother me that much, since I’m like you who gave your soul to anime. It’s like as long as I have the Internet and my source of entertainment, I’m fine without friends offline. It’s okay to care about what others think of you, but I hope it doesn’t affect you too much. Your friends probably don’t see you as an addition, because then you wouldn’t even be in the group. From what I experienced, if you’re really an addition, you probably wouldn’t be questioning yourself, because before you even do that, you would have already knew, you would have felt it. But if you questioned yourself and is unsure of the answer, then you’re probably fine. Don’t mind too much~

        Definitely! Those kind of characters are always really motivating! My greatest inspiration would definitely be Luffy from One Piece. He’s a really carefree person, know how to enjoy every moment, yet is strong and is serious when he needs to be. And thank you! I’m really glad that you’ve also read my figure blog, I really appreciate it!

        Sorry, am I making this conversation a little too long? I think these long paragraphs are flooding your page. xD

      8. passingotaku Post author

        HAHA tadaima xD Damn, I reach home so late during school days because of CCA and now I barely have time to do homework!

        The end of the world eh? Yeah, same.. but then after awhile I just realize how insignificant some of my problems are and laugh it off. Yup, i’m trying to look forward to and appreciate everything in life now! Ah okay, maybe I’ll play a piece and post it someday when i’m free :)

        You’re right that we do adjust accordingly to whom we hang out with. But sometimes I try to adapt too much that I feel horrible about myself afterwards. And i’m so tired of smiling all the time (fact of life is that friends don’t enjoy your company when you’re sulking. You have to be happy and have fun). Sometimes, there are those instances when a group of friends gather together to trade secrets– and when they all press me to tell them something personal (which I do end up saying), I’d regret it a lot later.

        Wow, it’s great that you’re a free spirit, it’s something that I could never do. Anime is definitely a huge part of my life too but offline, I would feel the need to go out and catch up with friends. I think of meeting them as upholding my place amongst them, so that I won’t be left alone in the future. Honestly, I fear being left out –I wouldn’t even want to go to any event without a friend. Sounds insanely superficial I know, but it’s like the same logic as eating alone in the canteen. I’ve tried that once and felt terribly self-conscious and unhappy. Haha thanks for your kind words, but i’ll never really know if I’m an addition. Nothing will change when i’m gone. I admire you for standing by your own principles and doing as you wish! I really want to not care about anything but what I want, but I can’t do that can I?

        Yes anime characters are really inspirational! Luffy is really awesome, yeah :) Well your blogs are really nice, so I should thank you instead for creating them!

        Anyway, first day of school was actually pretty normal. Good luck and just push on till the next holiday! Ahaha yes long paragraphs! xD Oh well, who cares? It’s been nice talking to you :D

  3. a boring otaku :)

    if I can get in the talk, my tolerance level is very low hihi ;) but I can’t just forget something hat someone did to me or said. However i think that a lot of otakus have the same opinions ( it’s not like I can test that becouse i don’t know any otaku).

    Reply
    1. passingotaku Post author

      I’m pretty sure that your tolerance level will increase as you get older! I too, can hold a grudge when people treat me unfairly but I tend to forgive them easily afterwards :) Forgive and forget and you’ll be much happier.

      Haha, i’m not sure if otakus have the same opinion but Rei (the commenter above) and I probably have similar opinions due to our country, the environment, and.. our personalities maybe? But she’s more wise, go see her blog haha :D

      And i’m glad that you and I are quite similar too! Well, in any case, keep the love of manga and anime :)

      Reply
      1. a boring otaku :)

        Lucky you if you life in Singapore well I mean i’m from Europe so it’s very hard to go in Japan but i WILL go to Japan someday becouse i belive that you can’t be a real otaku if you don’t go to Japan at least once (meaby i’m wrong).

      2. passingotaku Post author

        Europe sounds cool! :D Haha I think that as long as you’re obsessed with and really love anime and manga, then you’re an otaku. I hope that you’ll be able to go to Japan one day too– it’s a really nice place.

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