So yeah hi! What do I feel like right now?
A terrible spoilt brat. And obviously it has got to do with homework. After all, that’s a 15-year-old student’s greatest nemesis, right? And it’s gotta do with the fact that it’s 2am. I’m turning nocturnal nowadays. Not that i’m complaining, but I get so tired and sleep in class. And I realized yesterday during recess that my classmates were passing down this message, which was to all stare at me. Yeah I was sleeping in an awkward position and I didn’t even realize my classmates’ evilness. Wait but that’s not the point.
Anyway. Today I have two very important, graded speeches. And a project due on Friday, and one more next Monday. So what have I been doing? Slacking my ass off and reading shoujo romance manga! xD AND ARGH SORRY I JUST HAVE TO RAGE!!!!! I feel as useless as shit; I don’t really care, but I actually do feel guilt. Like what the hell right!?
I rage momentarily, but in the end, it’s gonna turn out fine. Like always. You know, getting terribly horrendous grades and ending up as an epic loser in life? It happens. HAHA. JOKING. No, not really, but considering that I am a humanoid sloth who fails in life, getting 3.6 for my GPA is fine.
So anyway, after reading all that shoujo/josei, I started wondering: What if i’m not the main heroine in the story!? What if ‘m just a side character? And then I felt depressed because I am a selfish person.
I don’t want to be the friend that sacrifices her life for the heroine to succeed. Or to give up my love when he falls for another person instead. There might not be a happy ending, unlike in manga where everything works out.
(yes I just realized that both of them are girls. and fyi I read yuri occasionally *snickers*)
But you know, right now, i’m feeling very detached from my life. It’s greatly revolving around anime, in fact a little too much. Once I get home, I never do homework. It’s manga and anime, which I know is bad, but well, that’s me (worst excuse for procrastination ever). But well, some famous philosopher dude once said that humans seek only the avoidance of pain and the pursuit of pleasure xD heh.
Anyway, I’ve decided to take the laid-back approach and just live out my life. Even if i’m not the main character of one story, i’m the main character of my own, and I can make things work out. I’ll gain experience from everything I go through, even anime, which I believe has (sub-consciously) taught me a lot. In the end, it’s all about perspective; if I believe i’m happy and try to be a ridiculously optimistic person, then i’m happy. :D
For now, I don’t have any goal, so while searching for one, i’ll live happily without any regrets (sounds like your typical youth), JK. I ALREADY REGRET NOT DOING MY HOMEWORK but then there’s an internal conflict, a stupid hesitation, because i’m actually scared to attempt and fail. Now my thoughts are so disjointed. I’ll just live. Coolly.
(damn them bishounen. too hot)
Oh yeah. Moving on, recently, i’ve been stalking some popular anime blogs like AOIA, Eye Sedso and Kluxorious (hope they never read this). And I just realize why I suck, in so many ways, like how my blog’s layout and content is so inferior. Some people really have the talent to write witty and interesting text. Mine is lacking and more boring, but that’s just my style haha. Hey, I swear my vocabulary does come out when I write graded expository essays okay xD Anyway regardless, this shall be my little cyber space. Although little, at least there’re people around here! :)
Anyway. Does anyone realize anything? It’s thursday. THURSDAY. The day of my dreams, and also the day of my demise (two freaking graded speeches).
(*Inside joke deleted) Can I like pee on him and mark him as mine? LOL. That was terrible.
Anyway, I demand a more romantic picture.
YES. LIKE OMGYESTHISISIT!!!!!!!! OF COURSE! Look at the picture above. Look carefully. That’s me and him! xD Shit, it’s just so cute and full of win. Accelerator is hot.
I hate to say this, but now I shall have to leave my delusions and start practicing for my speeches before I stumble later on. Want to know a sad story? Last year, during my chinese oral presentation, I forgot what to say and there wasn’t a script with me. I said “oh my god” (remember, it’s a chinese speech) and stood there for about a minute with the whole class watching me with amusement, before I crapped something up. Okay, that was a really sad and humiliating story. But here’s the thing. I got 32/40 for that, one of the higher marks in my class. Idk, maybe my pronunciation and expressions were better, but what the shit.
In the end, i’m still a spoilt brat who wants the best out of everything. I want to watch anime, not do homework, and still do exceedingly well in terms of academics. Can’t I get what I want?
Heeeee yeah. I’m in a perpetual internal conflict. Gosh, terrible me. What a life. Shall I end off with a quote #likeaboss?
“It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live” -Dumbledore
BUTBUTBUT anime is my lifeblood! I do wonder if i’ll ever stop watching it one day. When i’m older, maybe? Ahh, dreams. Imaginations and possibilities, which just fuels my idealistic thinking and indolent self.
I’d better start appreciating real life!