2019: An Update

It’s been so long! It’s June 2019, and i’ve barely updated this blog.

The Brilliant Tragedy that is Love

Foreword: Wrote this ~2 months ago, I just dislike repeated postings about romance, helplessness, stagnancy, despair. There’s a whole world out there, and I may migrate to another site soon and leave this as a good memory of the passing otaku Aleris. Huge thanks to the readers that have always supported me.

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Maybe it’s just an epic tragedy, the cyclical nature of love that consumes one, in ceaseless waves of torment and torture. It never ends, and I wonder if all of this is a waste of time, a misguided directing of energy unto a self-made prison, to achieve the ideal love that society constructs and naturalizes as the pinnacle of life and happiness. Still — I feel that this is absolutely brilliant, a laughable and laudable journey that has brought us past the rough seas, past the sirens and the Kraken, into calm, still waters. Isn’t it funny how there never is stability even in lull periods? Irony strikes hard just as we pledge to straighten things out. Beneath the calm waters is a shit ton of garbage, and the tiny currents that start a whirlpool of more disaster and confusion. Round and round, this cyclical and unending love goes. Suppression, tired love, hope, despair, promise, dread; sprinkle all of these to brew the story of our very own romance. 

No Contact Rule

“Tell me it hurts,” you say.

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Never did I finish watching Shinsekai Yori

It’s always after I think I’ve got it all together.

On the trite subject of Love

(Not related to anime) (no shit, personal post, rather than expert advice)

How Are Y’all (do my readers still exist)?

Caught up in multitudes of insignificant, transient worries that encompass the tiny universe of our minds;

All we are is entertainment, caught up in our own derangement.

It’s been a really long while since i’ve last posted, and i’m sure we’ve all grown. I’d like to say that i’m not stuck in that perpetual cycle of helplessness, but one cannot fully escape from its depths. It’s funny how i’m posting again at this period near exams, as I desperately did three years ago when I was in a miserable slump. Many resolutions with much conviction have been made, some of them failed while others were seen through. So many things have changed since then, and new worries now take centre stage while what used to be so important have now become insignificant.

Many things beyond my narrow universe and silly worries have happened! Gay marriage has been legalised in the US, Amos Yee happened, and ISIS is going crazy. Yeah the truth is that i’m a lazy ignorant fuck who hardly looks beyond anything as a proverbial frog in my limited well.

What exactly is the point of this post? Nothing, really. Definitely nothing about manga– while there’s always a special place for it in my mind, I barely read anything now except for the occasional webtoon. I have also decided that ranting is not productive unless decisive action is taken afterwards. My life is honestly good now, except for the failings in me that cannot reconcile reality and idealism, and idealism is an illusion anyway. I still have faith that hard work will help me reach a better place, though.

C’mon, I have a good life now. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have great people with me. I’m a privileged person. People always say that you have to look within before you venture out, but sometimes when staring back at yourself yields unnecessary hours of worries and dissatisfaction, it’s actually okay to just trust your instincts and move on. Seriously, just no regrets. Call this yet another lame motivational post, but its a personal one. I’ll prove it to myself that I can succeed in this life.

I’ll look beyond myself. As empty as this sounds, the world is vast. I’ll create my own meaning if I can’t wait for it to fall on my lap. Tryhards never win, huh? At least they tried.

Aldnoah Zero: A Perfect Princess till the end

I’m just going to be focusing on Princess Asseylum here, the embodiment of all that is good and pure in this anime. The light motif continually surrounds her with sunbeams being her personal spotlight and well, I mean you can just look at the princess with her literally shiny blonde hair, iridescent eyes, fair complexion and that pure royal white dress that screams alert, this is our heroine our dearest strong and innocent princess!!!

Typical angelic face showcasing innocence and righteous determination

The only issue I have with dear Princess Asseylum here is, I can’t decide if I like her or not.

The Fucking Summary of Ogre’s Life

An unhappy, greedy ogre is gorging itself on bitterness. All it sees is grimy green, a colour as repugnant and ugly as its deformed, rotting hide. Ogre was extremely devoted to the religion of nihilism and submitted itself completely to the happenings of its world, letting the tumultuous waves of time and unkind fate push it forward into despair. It saw no point in intervening and trying to pretend to be one of the regular people when it could just spend its years rolling around in the muck.

Its clan had an old saying: “Dreams die young, and the young die dreaming.” But Orge never had ever experienced any dramatic tragedy where it fought for its dream which got buried, trampled on, and sacrificed; well that’s because it simply didn’t have a dream. Ogre wondered whether anything would change if it had one.

Now Ogre hated being alone as much as it hated its friends, because Ogre was a self-interested creature. Anyways, it felt angry but all it could do was bellow and screech and howl and cry. At the end, Orge laughs at the little pity party it threw for itself. 

How fucking immature is Ogre?

What’s Wrong With Vulgarities? (Especially for Girls)

Haven’t we all been thoughtlessly spewing phrases after phrases of vulgarities for the most insignificant reasons? I’m sure that almost every one of you faggots has had experience using such obscene terms, and surely the most prevalent and atrocious profanity of the decade would be fuck. It’s an interesting term that has it original, unpleasant meaning eroded as people get so desensitized by hearing it everywhere that they treat it as just another umbrella term like shit. This MOFO has definitely proliferated a crazy number of cultures worldwide. I hear or see the damn word everyday.

Obligatory anime picture because this is an anime blog. No anime content in this post, though.

So what sparked this post was a text I perceived to be neutral and innocuous, that I sent to my male friend.

Me: “FUCK, I just smashed a fly on my phone.”

Him: “Dude you don’t have to use vulgarities.”

Sounds like a fairly simple exchange, but because i’m a hyper-sensitive person who always over-thinks, I kept this short conversation in the back of my mind.

Incoherent Updates lol

Sunday nights are always full of regrets, says a friend. Homework is left unfinished, and the dream of reinventing yourself as an enthused, intellectual student is broken. There’s gonna be another sleepless night, another hectic week, another purposeless routine.

Sup’? Can’t you see that i’m a mysterious, cool guy filled with angst and pain in my life? I just want to be free and to liberate the world from pain.